








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 96 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
842 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,827 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1441 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1090 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1259 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1037 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $308,940 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 160 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CampsAlot | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | p i v o o o | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | Midas | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | wist | 56% | 27 |
| #5 | djtl | 55% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | LittleJohnny | 47% | 15 |
| #12 | sletong | 45% | 66 |
| #13 | playstationpizza | 44% | 32 |
| #14 | sloppy bill on the pill | 38% | 8 |
| #15 | sLug | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | playstationpizza | 4 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | wist | 4 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | sletong | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Dewey Fan | 2 | 0.0065 |
| #5 | Midas | 2 | 0.0133 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sletong | 259 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #2 | playstationpizza | 118 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | wist | 90 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | sLug | 90 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #5 | Cluuless | 76 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LittleJohnny | +1.86 | 74 | 57 |
| #2 | djtl | +1.22 | 79 | 71 |
| #3 | CampsAlot | +1.10 | 23 | 70 |
| #4 | W1nter | +1.03 | 72 | 69 |
| #5 | sLug | +0.98 | 73 | 67 |





