








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 235 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 191 matches | ||
| Faceit | 112 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3490 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,250 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4869 | 34% |
| Smokes | 4889 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2090 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2402 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,722,275 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 198 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | geedis | 64% | 28 |
| #2 | p i v o o o | 57% | 93 |
| #3 | Adesza | 55% | 40 |
| #4 | playstationpizza | 55% | 93 |
| #5 | LittleJohnny | 53% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Brenda | 45% | 66 |
| #13 | Dewey Fan | 44% | 112 |
| #14 | sloppy bill on the pill | 42% | 36 |
| #15 | S1umppy | 41% | 22 |
| #16 | Viz | 36% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dewey Fan | 9 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | wist | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | playstationpizza | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Midas | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Brenda | 4 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wist | 427 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | Brenda | 342 | 0.25 | 9 min |
| #3 | Dewey Fan | 325 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | playstationpizza | 325 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #5 | W1nter | 248 | 0.25 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | geedis | +4.06 | 79 | 66 |
| #2 | Midas | +3.13 | 63 | 29 |
| #3 | Cagey | +1.72 | 71 | 70 |
| #4 | LittleJohnny | +1.22 | 72 | 58 |
| #5 | sLug | +1.06 | 67 | 66 |





