








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 692 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 223 matches | ||
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2915 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,873 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5591 | 38% |
| Smokes | 3740 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2951 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2591 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $908,600 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerry | 55% | 86 |
| #2 | NiftyJ | 55% | 152 |
| #3 | Rojo | 53% | 30 |
| #4 | Skorpion ツ | 53% | 30 |
| #5 | PM | 53% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Jucktmichnicht | 51% | 85 |
| #8 | kR1Z0 | 49% | 110 |
| #9 | IamDropZ | 48% | 87 |
| #10 | SG94 | 47% | 17 |
| #11 | SoyTroy | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NiftyJ | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Timo die Aim Lockomotive | 4 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | kR1Z0 | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | IamDropZ | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Jerry | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Timo die Aim Lockomotive | 1005 | 0.15 | 27 min |
| #2 | kR1Z0 | 299 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | NiftyJ | 278 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | PM | 243 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #5 | Jerry | 179 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NiftyJ | +1.46 | 81 | 57 |
| #2 | Jerry | +1.00 | 65 | 46 |
| #3 | Jonah2804 | +0.89 | 85 | 79 |
| #4 | Skorpion ツ | +0.77 | 75 | 64 |
| #5 | Jucktmichnicht | +0.36 | 86 | 56 |





