








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 106 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 65 matches | ||
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
793 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,083 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 698 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1095 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1425 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 865 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $449,206 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kinkura | 52% | 54 |
| #2 | Th0mas | 51% | 65 |
| #3 | Apinamies | 48% | 122 |
| #4 | jiikeri | 47% | 62 |
| #5 | Shaageli | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | jiikeri | 47% | 62 |
| #5 | Shaageli | 46% | 39 |
| #6 | jalek1 | 45% | 112 |
| #7 | smagis | 38% | 13 |
| #8 | Kali | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jalek1 | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | jiikeri | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Apinamies | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | Th0mas | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Shaageli | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apinamies | 631 | 0.24 | 19 min |
| #2 | jalek1 | 367 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #3 | Th0mas | 95 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | smagis | 72 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #5 | jiikeri | 53 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jalek1 | +1.66 | 75 | 64 |
| #2 | Apinamies | +1.63 | 81 | 76 |
| #3 | jiikeri | +0.90 | 72 | 58 |
| #4 | Th0mas | +0.53 | 71 | 61 |
| #5 | Kinkura | -1.73 | 30 | 57 |





