








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 288 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 145 matches | ||
| Faceit | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1780 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,865 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 411 | 7% |
| Smokes | 1047 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 2475 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 1932 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,267,409 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Th0mas | 54% | 129 |
| #2 | jiikeri | 54% | 120 |
| #3 | smagis | 53% | 32 |
| #4 | Apinamies | 52% | 246 |
| #5 | jalek1 | 52% | 235 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Sandels | 47% | 17 |
| #9 | Jeppo | 46% | 39 |
| #10 | Kali | 44% | 59 |
| #11 | mlinkku | 43% | 74 |
| #12 | RAHKO | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jalek1 | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Apinamies | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | jiikeri | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | smagis | 3 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | Th0mas | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apinamies | 1153 | 0.22 | 33 min |
| #2 | jalek1 | 734 | 0.15 | 25 min |
| #3 | mlinkku | 246 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | smagis | 133 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #5 | Th0mas | 129 | 0.05 | 4 min |





