








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 644 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 524 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 83 matches | ||
| Faceit | 63 matches | ||
| Wingman | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6111 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,542 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6488 | 25% |
| Smokes | 10344 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 4475 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 4235 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,452,715 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 296 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eepy | 56% | 643 |
| #2 | Avada Balenciaga | 55% | 242 |
| #3 | Jim Carry | 54% | 472 |
| #4 | Fricken Oatmeal | 51% | 237 |
| #5 | Slicedbread | 49% | 331 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Udderly terrible | 49% | 100 |
| #7 | K1ngBurrito | 48% | 63 |
| #8 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 48% | 378 |
| #9 | gtv | 44% | 154 |
| #10 | fent fairy | 40% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Carry | 19 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Fricken Oatmeal | 17 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 12 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Avada Balenciaga | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | gtv | 10 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Carry | 1194 | 0.13 | 24 min |
| #2 | eepy | 757 | 0.06 | 21 min |
| #3 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 583 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #4 | Avada Balenciaga | 552 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #5 | Slicedbread | 503 | 0.07 | 17 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eepy | +3.20 | 84 | 57 |
| #2 | Udderly terrible | +0.95 | 60 | 49 |
| #3 | fent fairy | +0.28 | 65 | 55 |
| #4 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | -0.03 | 64 | 45 |
| #5 | FredEx | -0.15 | 51 | 51 |





