








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 424 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 426 matches | ||
| Faceit | 139 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6098 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,203 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6642 | 31% |
| Smokes | 7095 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2990 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 4476 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,037,133 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 571 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pete Sampras | 56% | 117 |
| #2 | swish | 55% | 115 |
| #3 | BigXThaPlug | 54% | 156 |
| #4 | Zodiac | 54% | 39 |
| #5 | Ry505 | 52% | 124 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | CHaloupa batman | 47% | 116 |
| #9 | Malt Liquor Bandit | 47% | 51 |
| #10 | Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace | 46% | 148 |
| #11 | Chef | 44% | 162 |
| #12 | testicular | 42% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nooby Booby | 15 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | swish | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | morty | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | BigXThaPlug | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Ry505 | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nooby Booby | 1979 | 0.27 | 56 min |
| #2 | morty | 524 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | Chef | 452 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #4 | swish | 440 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #5 | BigXThaPlug | 305 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nooby Booby | +2.03 | 73 | 74 |
| #2 | morty | +1.52 | 78 | 67 |
| #3 | dozer_____davee | +0.80 | 65 | 64 |
| #4 | swish | +0.47 | 69 | 63 |
| #5 | BigXThaPlug | +0.20 | 67 | 62 |





