








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 77 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 446 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3034 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,691 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1823 | 13% |
| Smokes | 5190 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 4518 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2160 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,023,990 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 302 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GTFO | 57% | 42 |
| #2 | pistol pete | 56% | 78 |
| #3 | Boiled Eggs | 51% | 217 |
| #4 | ender | 50% | 246 |
| #5 | OZZYw00d | 48% | 171 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Boiled Eggs | 51% | 217 |
| #4 | ender | 50% | 246 |
| #5 | OZZYw00d | 48% | 171 |
| #6 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | 47% | 53 |
| #7 | matt-E | 47% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boiled Eggs | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | OZZYw00d | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | ender | 7 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | GTFO | 6 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | pistol pete | 5 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boiled Eggs | 779 | 0.16 | 21 min |
| #2 | matt-E | 733 | 0.35 | 21 min |
| #3 | OZZYw00d | 523 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #4 | ender | 199 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | pistol pete | 124 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | +2.20 | 74 | 46 |
| #2 | ender | +0.49 | 59 | 40 |
| #3 | OZZYw00d | +0.40 | 68 | 56 |
| #4 | Fragget | -0.00 | 59 | 48 |
| #5 | Boiled Eggs | -0.31 | 29 | 74 |





