








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 481 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 902 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 52 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9050 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,151 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3952 | 16% |
| Smokes | 9048 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 4491 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 7660 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,547,638 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 758 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eepy | 54% | 318 |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 54% | 177 |
| #3 | Fricken Oatmeal | 52% | 65 |
| #4 | Udderly terrible | 51% | 247 |
| #5 | FredEx | 49% | 331 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | K1ngBurrito | 49% | 345 |
| #7 | fent fairy | 48% | 577 |
| #8 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | 45% | 186 |
| #9 | Purple Pygmy | 44% | 87 |
| #10 | Avada Balenciaga | 41% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fent fairy | 11 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | FredEx | 6 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Udderly terrible | 5 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Purple Pygmy | 4 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FredEx | 1061 | 0.15 | 22 min |
| #2 | Jim Carry | 504 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #3 | fent fairy | 421 | 0.03 | 9 min |
| #4 | eepy | 383 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #5 | K1ngBurrito | 330 | 0.04 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eepy | +2.74 | 83 | 58 |
| #2 | Udderly terrible | +1.30 | 61 | 45 |
| #3 | fent fairy | +0.86 | 67 | 56 |
| #4 | [GOON] Old Nates For New | +0.53 | 68 | 45 |
| #5 | FredEx | -0.35 | 50 | 50 |





