








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 44 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 188 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1390 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,523 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 514 | 11% |
| Smokes | 606 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1748 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 1655 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $643,053 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iMoD1998 | 56% | 16 |
| #2 | dr mew | 53% | 66 |
| #3 | topclassdanter | 53% | 40 |
| #4 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 50% | 64 |
| #5 | Phillibo | 47% | 129 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | topclassdanter | 53% | 40 |
| #4 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 50% | 64 |
| #5 | Phillibo | 47% | 129 |
| #6 | eimear screamer | 45% | 159 |
| #7 | Scrumzy | 43% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillibo | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | eimear screamer | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | dr mew | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | topclassdanter | 3 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Scrumzy | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillibo | 239 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | dr mew | 187 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | topclassdanter | 108 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 95 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | eimear screamer | 61 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | topclassdanter | +4.56 | 72 | 79 |
| #2 | dr mew | +3.51 | 63 | 74 |
| #3 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | +1.38 | 62 | 64 |
| #4 | Scrumzy | +0.13 | 38 | 39 |
| #5 | iMoD1998 | -0.38 | 41 | 46 |





