








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 242 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 246 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1883 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,218 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1572 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1636 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1692 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1318 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $230,279 of utility $37 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 192 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 53% | 15 |
| #2 | Phillibo | 47% | 34 |
| #3 | Staniel | 43% | 40 |
| #4 | eimear screamer | 39% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 53% | 15 |
| #2 | Phillibo | 47% | 34 |
| #3 | Staniel | 43% | 40 |
| #4 | eimear screamer | 39% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillibo | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | eimear screamer | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillibo | 86 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | Staniel | 24 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #3 | eimear screamer | 18 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #4 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 17 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | +1.81 | 68 | 60 |
| #2 | Scrumzy | +0.25 | 23 | 43 |
| #3 | eimear screamer | -1.27 | 24 | 26 |
| #4 | Staniel | -1.94 | 42 | 38 |
| #5 | Phillibo | -2.55 | 27 | 49 |





