








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 241 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 437 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3593 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,192 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 588 | 8% |
| Smokes | 2105 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2786 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 1713 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $774,780 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iMoD1998 | 63% | 41 |
| #2 | dr mew | 59% | 61 |
| #3 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 46% | 57 |
| #4 | Staniel | 45% | 159 |
| #5 | Phillibo | 44% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 46% | 57 |
| #4 | Staniel | 45% | 159 |
| #5 | Phillibo | 44% | 114 |
| #6 | topclassdanter | 41% | 29 |
| #7 | Scrumzy | 39% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillibo | 7 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | dr mew | 6 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | topclassdanter | 4 | 0.0069 |
| #4 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Staniel | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phillibo | 250 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | dr mew | 193 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | iMoD1998 | 118 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | Scrumzy | 97 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | topclassdanter | 92 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | topclassdanter | +4.83 | 75 | 78 |
| #2 | dr mew | +3.55 | 66 | 71 |
| #3 | ☯ Cap'n Kappa ☯ | +1.36 | 58 | 67 |
| #4 | iMoD1998 | +0.34 | 41 | 52 |
| #5 | Scrumzy | +0.24 | 31 | 43 |





