








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
713 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,650 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1182 | 32% |
| Smokes | 664 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1073 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 731 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $630,213 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 101 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Godfaren | 61% | 130 |
| #2 | Joho | 59% | 147 |
| #3 | Fidjar | 57% | 21 |
| #4 | Primate | 56% | 113 |
| #5 | Pizzasnurr | 55% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Fidjar | 57% | 21 |
| #4 | Primate | 56% | 113 |
| #5 | Pizzasnurr | 55% | 76 |
| #6 | swift | 54% | 24 |
| #7 | Jas | 54% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Godfaren | 11 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Primate | 11 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Joho | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Pizzasnurr | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Jas | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Godfaren | 483 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #2 | Primate | 376 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #3 | Joho | 335 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #4 | Pizzasnurr | 178 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | swift | 131 | 0.26 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joho | +3.95 | 69 | 66 |
| #2 | Godfaren | +3.06 | 72 | 59 |
| #3 | Pizzasnurr | +0.82 | 73 | 67 |
| #4 | swift | +0.52 | 53 | 71 |
| #5 | Jas | +0.08 | 72 | 51 |





