








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 36 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 214 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2280 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,900 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3819 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2718 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3353 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2010 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $426,687 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 59 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gazzaboy19 | 52% | 64 |
| #2 | Wiisteve2000 | 51% | 164 |
| #3 | Syrup | 49% | 155 |
| #4 | spikecustard | 49% | 49 |
| #5 | Mazza | 48% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wiisteve2000 | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Mazza | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Gazzaboy19 | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Syrup | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | spikecustard | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wiisteve2000 | 386 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #2 | Syrup | 254 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #3 | Gazzaboy19 | 96 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Yer Da | 84 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | spikecustard | 70 | 0.06 | 1 min |





