








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 262 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2555 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,596 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2718 | 23% |
| Smokes | 4035 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2142 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2701 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $795,139 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | brians daddy | 63% | 41 |
| #2 | Zaptres | 61% | 18 |
| #3 | hanu | 60% | 20 |
| #4 | ⭕⃤ | 51% | 41 |
| #5 | za | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | jlingotsetup | 46% | 131 |
| #11 | bo some tong | 44% | 189 |
| #12 | MONTANA | 43% | 87 |
| #13 | penis soup | 41% | 32 |
| #14 | Jobu Tupaki | 41% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jlingotsetup | 18 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Gamsahabmida | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | bo some tong | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Trill God | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | MONTANA | 6 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gamsahabmida | 393 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #2 | bo some tong | 356 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #3 | Trill God | 355 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #4 | MONTANA | 166 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Garettx | 159 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zaptres | +4.46 | 80 | 48 |
| #2 | brians daddy | +3.50 | 81 | 55 |
| #3 | penis soup | +3.02 | 81 | 41 |
| #4 | Gamsahabmida | +1.61 | 58 | 72 |
| #5 | za | +0.69 | 64 | 51 |





