








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 95 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 349 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3486 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,103 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3222 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2380 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2717 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2784 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,372,538 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | brians daddy | 64% | 33 |
| #2 | Garettx | 58% | 57 |
| #3 | Zaptres | 58% | 33 |
| #4 | penis soup | 57% | 72 |
| #5 | Jobu Tupaki | 55% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | ⭕⃤ | 45% | 111 |
| #14 | CHARIZARD VMAX | 44% | 45 |
| #15 | bo some tong | 44% | 154 |
| #16 | jlingotsetup | 44% | 108 |
| #17 | kek | 40% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BBBBB | 13 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | jlingotsetup | 12 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | bo some tong | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | MONTANA | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Jobu Tupaki | 3 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BBBBB | 380 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | ⭕⃤ | 341 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #3 | Gamsahabmida | 327 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | bo some tong | 282 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | Confucius | 170 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zaptres | +4.66 | 79 | 45 |
| #2 | kek | +3.65 | 79 | 44 |
| #3 | penis soup | +3.20 | 79 | 38 |
| #4 | brians daddy | +1.73 | 79 | 51 |
| #5 | Gamsahabmida | +1.02 | 58 | 73 |





