








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
797 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,843 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 359 | 19% |
| Smokes | 562 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 408 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 514 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $281,175 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JM | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | :3 | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | testicular torsion | 69% | 13 |
| #4 | benito | 69% | 42 |
| #5 | Norms | 67% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | ^mt | 59% | 27 |
| #9 | anterior deltoid | 55% | 29 |
| #10 | Kitsune# | 54% | 59 |
| #11 | yung shush | 44% | 48 |
| #12 | divs2018 | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitsune# | 6 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | yung shush | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | benito | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | JM | 2 | 0.0213 |
| #5 | 2k | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitsune# | 267 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #2 | benito | 166 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #3 | yung shush | 154 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | anterior deltoid | 96 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | ^mt | 68 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitsune# | +2.47 | 74 | 66 |
| #2 | benito | +1.49 | 72 | 74 |
| #3 | conesack | +1.15 | 78 | 32 |
| #4 | ^mt | +0.94 | 83 | 62 |
| #5 | JM | +0.77 | 71 | 71 |





