








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 689 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 164 matches | ||
| Faceit | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3894 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,174 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2747 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2145 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1636 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1646 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $954,327 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | warn | 83% | 29 |
| #2 | JM | 67% | 42 |
| #3 | divs2018 | 63% | 86 |
| #4 | ^mt | 62% | 117 |
| #5 | 2k | 61% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | anterior deltoid | 58% | 170 |
| #11 | benito | 57% | 120 |
| #12 | Psychic Kitten! | 54% | 59 |
| #13 | testicular torsion | 54% | 84 |
| #14 | yung shush | 44% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | anterior deltoid | 19 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | 2k | 8 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | conesack | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | benito | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | yung shush | 4 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | divs2018 | 558 | 0.30 | 11 min |
| #2 | benito | 514 | 0.21 | 15 min |
| #3 | anterior deltoid | 482 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #4 | ^mt | 385 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #5 | yung shush | 333 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitsune# | +2.61 | 75 | 68 |
| #2 | benito | +1.60 | 71 | 73 |
| #3 | ^mt | +0.83 | 79 | 64 |
| #4 | :3 | +0.65 | 71 | 72 |
| #5 | anterior deltoid | +0.49 | 83 | 62 |





