








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 482 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Wingman | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2132 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,230 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2664 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2008 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1517 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2041 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $380,134 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Psychic Kitten! | 69% | 42 |
| #2 | divs2018 | 66% | 38 |
| #3 | testicular torsion | 65% | 68 |
| #4 | Norms | 61% | 36 |
| #5 | anterior deltoid | 58% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Kitsune# | 57% | 120 |
| #8 | conesack | 53% | 83 |
| #9 | 2k | 50% | 46 |
| #10 | yung shush | 49% | 78 |
| #11 | ^mt | 48% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | anterior deltoid | 11 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | 2k | 6 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | conesack | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | yung shush | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Norms | 3 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitsune# | 513 | 0.20 | 15 min |
| #2 | yung shush | 304 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #3 | divs2018 | 233 | 0.28 | 5 min |
| #4 | anterior deltoid | 216 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #5 | ^mt | 162 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitsune# | +2.61 | 75 | 65 |
| #2 | benito | +1.84 | 72 | 71 |
| #3 | ^mt | +0.78 | 80 | 58 |
| #4 | Psychic Kitten! | +0.53 | 81 | 39 |
| #5 | anterior deltoid | +0.40 | 84 | 59 |





