








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 300 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 187 matches | ||
| Faceit | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2288 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,152 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 923 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1320 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 920 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 989 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $935,442 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Norms | 65% | 23 |
| #2 | :3 | 65% | 37 |
| #3 | mob | 64% | 14 |
| #4 | Psychic Kitten! | 62% | 39 |
| #5 | anterior deltoid | 60% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | benito | 53% | 83 |
| #12 | 3rik | 53% | 17 |
| #13 | warn | 50% | 16 |
| #14 | yung shush | 48% | 63 |
| #15 | testicular torsion | 44% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | anterior deltoid | 13 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Kitsune# | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | 2k | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | benito | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | ^mt | 3 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitsune# | 602 | 0.22 | 18 min |
| #2 | benito | 357 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #3 | divs2018 | 325 | 0.29 | 6 min |
| #4 | anterior deltoid | 308 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #5 | ^mt | 260 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 3rik | +3.41 | 93 | 70 |
| #2 | Kitsune# | +2.50 | 73 | 68 |
| #3 | :3 | +1.49 | 71 | 70 |
| #4 | anterior deltoid | +1.25 | 82 | 63 |
| #5 | benito | +1.13 | 71 | 75 |





