








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 492 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
918 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,004 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1084 | 36% |
| Smokes | 495 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 669 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 756 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $433,054 of utility $235 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | saMster^ | 75% | 16 |
| #2 | gone till Jan 2 | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | saiyo | 71% | 14 |
| #4 | Fanboyy | 67% | 6 |
| #5 | Storm | 62% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Ellis | 60% | 62 |
| #7 | Uncle Dolan | 58% | 26 |
| #8 | Congala | 56% | 25 |
| #9 | Shades | 43% | 7 |
| #10 | Vince | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | saMster^ | 10 | 0.0400 |
| #2 | Uncle Dolan | 3 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Ellis | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ellis | 317 | 0.24 | 10 min |
| #2 | Storm | 112 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | Congala | 105 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | Uncle Dolan | 95 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | saiyo | 47 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | saMster^ | +2.68 | 80 | 67 |
| #2 | Ellis | +1.63 | 82 | 74 |
| #3 | saiyo | +1.35 | 75 | 69 |
| #4 | shike | +0.76 | 69 | 65 |
| #5 | Vince | +0.59 | 62 | 45 |





