








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1044 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,968 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 223 | 11% |
| Smokes | 495 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 791 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 459 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $225,013 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phoness | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | Caneron | 57% | 40 |
| #3 | ANKLESPANKER | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | Global Potato | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 51% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banana | 6 | 0.0223 |
| #2 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Phoness | 3 | 0.0213 |
| #4 | Global Potato | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banana | 90 | 0.33 | 1 min |
| #2 | ANKLESPANKER | 61 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #3 | Caneron | 44 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | An Apocalyptic USB Device | 33 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Phoness | 24 | 0.17 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phoness | +8.69 | 91 | 46 |
| #2 | unfoldingcactus | +2.90 | 78 | 47 |
| #3 | Caneron | +1.94 | 72 | 57 |
| #4 | Revelation | +0.73 | 41 | 54 |
| #5 | ANKLESPANKER | +0.61 | 70 | 64 |





