








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1111 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,882 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1573 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1238 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1821 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1250 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $397,277 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 186 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kerm | 71% | 24 |
| #2 | Slipshod | 61% | 23 |
| #3 | Kerri | 55% | 85 |
| #4 | Vladimir | 54% | 102 |
| #5 | Multi21 | 53% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Vladimir | 54% | 102 |
| #5 | Multi21 | 53% | 103 |
| #6 | Cpt. Haggis | 52% | 63 |
| #7 | Steeeeeve | 46% | 65 |
| #8 | mon_sween | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Multi21 | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Cpt. Haggis | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Kerri | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Steeeeeve | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Kerm | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Multi21 | 221 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | Cpt. Haggis | 212 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #3 | Kerri | 184 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | Vladimir | 112 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Steeeeeve | 74 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kerri | +1.64 | 70 | 71 |
| #2 | Steeeeeve | +0.90 | 70 | 60 |
| #3 | Multi21 | +0.70 | 50 | 73 |
| #4 | Kerm | +0.32 | 71 | 58 |
| #5 | bröter blep | +0.03 | 79 | 74 |





