








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 279 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1224 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,032 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 70 | 2% |
| Smokes | 957 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1336 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 669 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $900,916 of utility $201 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 212 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blujay | 43% | 14 |
| #2 | Scrimatix | 42% | 12 |
| #3 | Mickemoose | 40% | 131 |
| #4 | pooglezon | 40% | 164 |
| #5 | MaliciousPit | 34% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Jar Jam | 33% | 30 |
| #7 | Major | 29% | 108 |
| #8 | T_O | 27% | 62 |
| #9 | [LoCo] some_kid | 25% | 12 |
| #10 | Roth-T | 24% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mickemoose | 36 | 0.0135 |
| #2 | T_O | 36 | 0.0284 |
| #3 | pooglezon | 33 | 0.0099 |
| #4 | Jar Jam | 25 | 0.0399 |
| #5 | Major | 18 | 0.0086 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mickemoose | 250 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #2 | pooglezon | 247 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | Major | 159 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | T_O | 83 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | MaliciousPit | 40 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mickemoose | +3.41 | 51 | 63 |
| #2 | pooglezon | +2.69 | 58 | 44 |
| #3 | MaliciousPit | +1.47 | 67 | 40 |
| #4 | Scrimatix | +1.12 | 37 | 45 |
| #5 | blujay | +1.07 | 53 | 56 |





