








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1140 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,897 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 591 | 20% |
| Smokes | 929 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 797 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 580 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $393,644 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 40 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Lupus | 50% | 6 |
| #10 | Lielow | 50% | 6 |
| #11 | Damkjaer | 50% | 18 |
| #12 | SpeedingMinion | 50% | 38 |
| #13 | MhNQQ | 43% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swag | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | SpeedingMinion | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | j0naz | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | whooop | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Damkjaer | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | j0naz | 177 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | SpeedingMinion | 128 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | swag | 127 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | MhNQQ | 106 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | whooop | 97 | 0.12 | 3 min |





