








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 188 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 139 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 45 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1752 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,642 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1740 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1683 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1853 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1366 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $828,974 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vesterlicious | 52% | 147 |
| #2 | zoos | 50% | 38 |
| #3 | j0naz | 49% | 148 |
| #4 | Muhko | 49% | 37 |
| #5 | swag | 49% | 183 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swag | 13 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | j0naz | 8 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | vesterlicious | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | MhNQQ | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Damkjaer | 4 | 0.0082 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | j0naz | 656 | 0.22 | 21 min |
| #2 | swag | 466 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #3 | vesterlicious | 409 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #4 | MhNQQ | 263 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #5 | Damkjaer | 87 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vesterlicious | +3.12 | 79 | 81 |
| #2 | swag | +1.53 | 74 | 67 |
| #3 | j0naz | -0.22 | 63 | 81 |
| #4 | MhNQQ | -0.81 | 57 | 68 |
| #5 | Damkjaer | -1.31 | 40 | 73 |





