








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 623 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 455 matches | ||
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Esplay | 24 matches | 1,807 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




57 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5262 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,436 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5173 | 20% |
| Smokes | 6019 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8122 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 6122 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,212,816 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1433 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemy-dll | 57% | 251 |
| #2 | conductor | 56% | 183 |
| #3 | BobDAruler | 55% | 105 |
| #4 | lil postman | 54% | 160 |
| #5 | guster | 53% | 133 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemy-dll | 971 | 0.19 | 29 min |
| #2 | conductor | 656 | 0.17 | 20 min |
| #3 | guster | 436 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #4 | lil postman | 435 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #5 | BobDAruler | 315 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemy-dll | +1.84 | 79 | 70 |
| #2 | BobDAruler | +1.17 | 59 | 73 |
| #3 | lil postman | +0.64 | 73 | 67 |
| #4 | guster | +0.56 | 78 | 61 |
| #5 | reelmower | +0.39 | 72 | 72 |





