








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 711 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 497 matches | ||
| Faceit | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6023 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,361 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7768 | 26% |
| Smokes | 7425 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 8586 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 5582 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $950,289 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1684 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | reelmower | 63% | 41 |
| #2 | hemy-dll | 57% | 40 |
| #3 | Justin Case | 56% | 225 |
| #4 | guster | 54% | 65 |
| #5 | Jeff | 50% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Justin Case | 56% | 225 |
| #4 | guster | 54% | 65 |
| #5 | Jeff | 50% | 64 |
| #6 | conductor | 50% | 68 |
| #7 | qk7k | 44% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeff | 13 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | Justin Case | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | reelmower | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | hemy-dll | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | qk7k | 3 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Justin Case | 1235 | 0.26 | 32 min |
| #2 | conductor | 252 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | guster | 211 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | reelmower | 164 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #5 | hemy-dll | 155 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemy-dll | +2.46 | 79 | 72 |
| #2 | reelmower | +2.20 | 73 | 72 |
| #3 | conductor | +0.73 | 75 | 72 |
| #4 | ★ elias | +0.36 | 52 | 73 |
| #5 | Jeff | +0.24 | 77 | 70 |





