








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 378 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 315 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Esplay | 11 matches | 1,896 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3793 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,181 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4173 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3188 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3224 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2596 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $998,168 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 236 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeff | 17 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | BobDAruler | 9 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | hemy-dll | 9 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | guster | 9 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | conductor | 6 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BobDAruler | 592 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #2 | hemy-dll | 544 | 0.20 | 16 min |
| #3 | conductor | 452 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #4 | Jeff | 386 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #5 | guster | 381 | 0.17 | 11 min |





