








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 223 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 84 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1587 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,124 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 601 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1141 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1219 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 163 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $523,387 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 97 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fezzer | 86% | 21 |
| #2 | Fisletut.Bolenz | 77% | 31 |
| #3 | Schakalaka #Ivstar | 75% | 28 |
| #4 | Gloomski | 65% | 48 |
| #5 | \( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)/ braekke | 64% | 133 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Gloomski | 65% | 48 |
| #5 | \( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)/ braekke | 64% | 133 |
| #6 | sm|Nt | 64% | 144 |
| #7 | Sega | 55% | 73 |
| #8 | xof | 55% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | \( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)/ braekke | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | sm|Nt | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Sega | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | fezzer | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | \( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)/ braekke | 369 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #2 | Gloomski | 131 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Fisletut.Bolenz | 126 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | sm|Nt | 100 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Schakalaka #Ivstar | 78 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fezzer | +5.34 | 81 | 64 |
| #2 | Schakalaka #Ivstar | +4.86 | 78 | 58 |
| #3 | \( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)/ braekke | +1.68 | 70 | 75 |
| #4 | Sega | +1.58 | 66 | 52 |
| #5 | Simen | +0.59 | 48 | 50 |





