








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
174 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 595 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 67 | 11% |
| Smokes | 161 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 232 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 135 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $95,995 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | andrew golara | 36% | 25 |
| #9 | SUNIA!!! | 35% | 17 |
| #10 | O_P_O_S | 33% | 3 |
| #11 | Mr_Peanut ツ | 31% | 16 |
| #12 | • anarchia18 • | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr_Peanut ツ | 2 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | JANUSZ !!! | 1 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | LORDE | 1 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | O_P_O_S | 1 | 0.0159 |
| #5 | Astro | 1 | 0.0213 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SUNIA!!! | 29 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #2 | Mr_Peanut ツ | 19 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #3 | Ssaładick | 14 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | LORDE | 14 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | JANUSZ !!! | 12 | 0.05 | 0 min |





