








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 69 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 158 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2037 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,248 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1484 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1552 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1499 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1713 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $462,349 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 120 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hipposaver | 91% | 11 |
| #2 | j-iwnl- | 75% | 12 |
| #3 | Mustang | 70% | 23 |
| #4 | W1LDG | 67% | 21 |
| #5 | Cinna | 67% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Timbis | 54% | 26 |
| #11 | MaestrO | 52% | 25 |
| #12 | hurikaNe | 50% | 18 |
| #13 | HandleD[db] | 43% | 14 |
| #14 | rugrat:) | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cinna | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Timbis | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | W1LDG | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | HandleD[db] | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cinna | 203 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #2 | atom | 156 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | xpERIENCE | 110 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Kapoya | 96 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | MaestrO | 92 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hipposaver | +2.58 | 94 | 67 |
| #2 | Dumpster Fire | +1.75 | 74 | 63 |
| #3 | Timbis | +1.51 | 75 | 65 |
| #4 | xpERIENCE | +1.39 | 79 | 68 |
| #5 | W1LDG | +1.33 | 82 | 60 |





