








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 82 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 136 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Esplay | 2 matches | 1,690 | |
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2255 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,141 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3264 | 53% |
| Smokes | 1417 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 761 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 699 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $370,956 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 58 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | iDos | 55% | 11 |
| #10 | faceit level 3 player | 54% | 108 |
| #11 | coach sjaman | 50% | 22 |
| #12 | β
π
΅π
Έπ
½π
΄π
Έπ
³π
΄ | 50% | 50 |
| #13 | skug | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BastarD | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | β Stokkis γ
| 2 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | faceit level 3 player | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | GjertseN | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Gaarder | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | faceit level 3 player | 461 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #2 | BastarD | 316 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | GjertseN | 243 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | β
π
΅π
Έπ
½π
΄π
Έπ
³π
΄ | 158 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | Gaarder | 142 | 0.16 | 4 min |





