








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 137 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 138 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2089 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,225 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1243 | 17% |
| Smokes | 2153 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2645 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 1184 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $762,691 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 201 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Drako | 59% | 64 |
| #2 | x10 | 58% | 62 |
| #3 | mesmer | 50% | 117 |
| #4 | ZyLeX | 44% | 57 |
| #5 | DommyBoBomby | 42% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ZyLeX | 44% | 57 |
| #5 | DommyBoBomby | 42% | 66 |
| #6 | rcat | 42% | 19 |
| #7 | ABunchOfLetters | 41% | 100 |
| #8 | Hooligan | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mesmer | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | ABunchOfLetters | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Drako | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | x10 | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Hooligan | 3 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mesmer | 598 | 0.27 | 18 min |
| #2 | Hooligan | 123 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #3 | x10 | 116 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | DommyBoBomby | 83 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | ABunchOfLetters | 69 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mesmer | +6.80 | 91 | 77 |
| #2 | x10 | +3.05 | 90 | 66 |
| #3 | Drako | +0.96 | 83 | 53 |
| #4 | notenti | -0.42 | 62 | 53 |
| #5 | Hooligan | -1.76 | 48 | 65 |





