








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 693 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 122 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 97 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7037 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,840 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6105 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3967 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 10724 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 7044 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,167,964 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 380 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 「MD」Suicide Squad | 1913 | 0.17 | 50 min |
| #2 | Eliphant | 473 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #3 | KingBear | 463 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #4 | AndyMcNab | 313 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #5 | WelshStalker | 290 | 0.09 | 7 min |





