








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 629 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 89 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3913 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,328 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4387 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4070 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 6416 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 5455 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $628,626 of utility $56 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 84 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | DOOM | 41% | 59 |
| #12 | AndyMcNab | 39% | 31 |
| #13 | Bonden | 39% | 31 |
| #14 | WelshStalker | 38% | 121 |
| #15 | Zodiac | 30% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eliphant | 24 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Elmero | 9 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Rambo | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | 「MD」Suicide Squad | 7 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | WelshStalker | 7 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 「MD」Suicide Squad | 1188 | 0.16 | 31 min |
| #2 | Eliphant | 390 | 0.06 | 10 min |
| #3 | Elmero | 318 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #4 | Rambo | 227 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #5 | WelshStalker | 209 | 0.08 | 6 min |





