








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 47 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
797 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,715 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 806 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1232 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 746 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 931 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $301,525 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kragen | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | Gen1e | 58% | 38 |
| #3 | 【 ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛】 | 56% | 9 |
| #4 | Th3Handler | 53% | 15 |
| #5 | MA | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Panda Plovpenning | 45% | 73 |
| #10 | Certified | 39% | 18 |
| #11 | DiamondAngel02 | 37% | 19 |
| #12 | Call of Nocker | 33% | 6 |
| #13 | Kr1l3 | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bogey | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Gen1e | 3 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | AndeZ | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | DiamondAngel02 | 2 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | Panda Plovpenning | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bogey | 180 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | AndeZ | 150 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Panda Plovpenning | 108 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Gen1e | 92 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | DiamondAngel02 | 70 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 【 ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛】 | +3.76 | 82 | 84 |
| #2 | Kragen | +2.32 | 74 | 63 |
| #3 | DiamondAngel02 | +1.86 | 74 | 66 |
| #4 | Gen1e | +1.76 | 69 | 66 |
| #5 | MA | +1.52 | 42 | 66 |





