








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
769 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,519 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 816 | 23% |
| Smokes | 858 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1098 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 747 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $584,443 of utility $195 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | BonZo. | 48% | 64 |
| #9 | Brunokus | 46% | 13 |
| #10 | ✘ D3r!ck0 ツ | 44% | 48 |
| #11 | XDonFlo | 43% | 75 |
| #12 | OCB | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✘ D3r!ck0 ツ | 13 | 0.0134 |
| #2 | BonZo. | 9 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | Brö | 9 | 0.0303 |
| #4 | Evil_fingA | 4 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | XDonFlo | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BonZo. | 401 | 0.31 | 11 min |
| #2 | ✘ D3r!ck0 ツ | 257 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #3 | W☺ødy² | 190 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #4 | XDonFlo | 120 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Evil_fingA | 98 | 0.17 | 2 min |





