








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 236 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3124 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,090 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3692 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3330 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3504 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2564 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $461,935 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 126 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | zefee | 45% | 156 |
| #7 | Pricy | 41% | 37 |
| #8 | DrHaribo | 40% | 35 |
| #9 | Setsail | 38% | 32 |
| #10 | slowdv | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oknotok | 5 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | zefee | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | mork | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | crekkkk- | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Pricy | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zefee | 454 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #2 | mork | 375 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #3 | crekkkk- | 101 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | oknotok | 88 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | slowdv | 85 | 0.21 | 2 min |





