








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 190 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 531 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 57 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2721 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 37,249 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9696 | 26% |
| Smokes | 11911 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 9374 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 6268 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $999,429 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 175 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ronald McDonald | 64% | 50 |
| #2 | :} | 56% | 375 |
| #3 | mork | 56% | 113 |
| #4 | crekkkk- | 55% | 318 |
| #5 | slowdv | 53% | 272 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Eulogy | 48% | 141 |
| #9 | Boizez | 47% | 120 |
| #10 | L4ma | 45% | 51 |
| #11 | Salt | 45% | 156 |
| #12 | ChaDDeRs | 45% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :} | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | slowdv | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | crekkkk- | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Salt | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Boizez | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slowdv | 354 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | crekkkk- | 269 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | :} | 107 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| #4 | mork | 93 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Salt | 67 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :} | +2.47 | 90 | 49 |
| #2 | crekkkk- | +2.22 | 89 | 62 |
| #3 | slowdv | +0.50 | 68 | 56 |
| #4 | Eulogy | +0.30 | 68 | 65 |
| #5 | Boizez | +0.17 | 51 | 59 |





