








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
567 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,276 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 350 | 15% |
| Smokes | 563 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 817 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 546 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $147,199 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slowdv | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | Walter | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | Josh00 | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | Salt | 40% | 35 |
| #5 | Pricy | 37% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pricy | 8 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | Salt | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | zefee | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Howard | 1 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | Josh00 | 1 | 0.0072 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zefee | 89 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Salt | 75 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Pricy | 73 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | slowdv | 26 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #5 | Josh00 | 23 | 0.17 | 0 min |





