








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 488 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 365 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3650 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,497 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3632 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2218 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 3679 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3968 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,352,652 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 128 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | whySoGooD? Drugs | 66% | 68 |
| #2 | shifu | 63% | 286 |
| #3 | JoeY | 61% | 174 |
| #4 | sWaG | 60% | 381 |
| #5 | _hssgod | 59% | 134 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sWaG | 33 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | shifu | 26 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | AquaLeo | 14 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | whySoGooD? Drugs | 12 | 0.0083 |
| #5 | JoeY | 11 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sWaG | 2665 | 0.33 | 71 min |
| #2 | AquaLeo | 646 | 0.22 | 16 min |
| #3 | JoeY | 336 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | shifu | 282 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #5 | _hssgod | 242 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sWaG | +2.05 | 69 | 77 |
| #2 | whySoGooD? Drugs | +1.84 | 69 | 63 |
| #3 | ^tJ | +1.81 | 74 | 64 |
| #4 | _hssgod | +1.37 | 83 | 60 |
| #5 | shifu | +0.81 | 73 | 43 |





