








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1801 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,725 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2639 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2862 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2751 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1473 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $528,738 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cerb | 57% | 58 |
| #2 | Rassing | 54% | 126 |
| #3 | Frojo | 52% | 25 |
| #4 | AK^ WOEHOE | 51% | 137 |
| #5 | e2 | 51% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Rassing | 54% | 126 |
| #3 | Frojo | 52% | 25 |
| #4 | AK^ WOEHOE | 51% | 137 |
| #5 | e2 | 51% | 65 |
| #6 | Stumpje | 43% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AK^ WOEHOE | 8 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Rassing | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Cerb | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Stumpje | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Frojo | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rassing | 279 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | AK^ WOEHOE | 231 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #3 | Cerb | 208 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | e2 | 100 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Frojo | 59 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AK^ WOEHOE | +2.83 | 81 | 64 |
| #2 | Frojo | +1.57 | 68 | 59 |
| #3 | e2 | +1.05 | 83 | 53 |
| #4 | Rassing | +0.77 | 79 | 57 |
| #5 | Stumpje | -0.29 | 71 | 61 |





