








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Agency | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
777 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,659 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 330 | 20% |
| Smokes | 346 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 891 | 54% |
| Molotovs | 92 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $245,370 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dodspulver | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | -pokerface | 69% | 26 |
| #3 | Bodd Jonar | 67% | 6 |
| #4 | Unacceptable Behaviour | 63% | 8 |
| #5 | HALOJ | 60% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | henks | 58% | 19 |
| #8 | *420 biceps | 57% | 94 |
| #9 | hankan | 57% | 7 |
| #10 | spooN | 44% | 9 |
| #11 | ofarlig | 44% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | armie" | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | *420 biceps | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | HALOJ | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | -pokerface | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Unacceptable Behaviour | 1 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | armie" | 406 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #2 | *420 biceps | 273 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | -pokerface | 132 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| #4 | HALOJ | 105 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | ofarlig | 31 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Unacceptable Behaviour | +6.00 | 48 | 71 |
| #2 | Bodd Jonar | +3.40 | 80 | 70 |
| #3 | dodspulver | +3.21 | 77 | 37 |
| #4 | henks | +2.44 | 71 | 24 |
| #5 | -pokerface | +2.03 | 73 | 56 |





