








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 210 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 26 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1705 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,804 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 147 | 8% |
| Smokes | 606 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 399 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 652 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $612,222 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 511 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hankan | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | *420 biceps | 59% | 148 |
| #3 | -pokerface | 59% | 109 |
| #4 | armie" | 58% | 157 |
| #5 | micke | 58% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | HALOJ | 58% | 140 |
| #7 | MALorne | 52% | 21 |
| #8 | Butcho | 50% | 16 |
| #9 | Laser Whale | 40% | 10 |
| #10 | Bodd Jonar | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | armie" | 7 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | *420 biceps | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | -pokerface | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | MALorne | 2 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | HALOJ | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | armie" | 650 | 0.20 | 18 min |
| #2 | *420 biceps | 466 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #3 | HALOJ | 425 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #4 | -pokerface | 358 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #5 | MALorne | 85 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MALorne | +2.16 | 78 | 77 |
| #2 | henks | +1.59 | 73 | 23 |
| #3 | Bodd Jonar | +1.45 | 61 | 76 |
| #4 | armie" | +0.20 | 63 | 79 |
| #5 | HALOJ | +0.04 | 86 | 72 |





