








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 788 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1584 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,671 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 235 | 9% |
| Smokes | 1449 | 54% |
| HE Grenades | 779 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 208 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $293,759 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 231 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sparkity | 70% | 54 |
| #2 | Mufter | 58% | 38 |
| #3 | Comma | 57% | 58 |
| #4 | McThiccums | 57% | 53 |
| #5 | Hans Olo | 55% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | McThiccums | 57% | 53 |
| #5 | Hans Olo | 55% | 95 |
| #6 | Banjo lawrence | 55% | 53 |
| #7 | CamLToe | 45% | 22 |
| #8 | Chief Red Eye | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Comma | 19 | 0.0158 |
| #2 | Hans Olo | 8 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Sparkity | 7 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | Banjo lawrence | 7 | 0.0065 |
| #5 | McThiccums | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hans Olo | 267 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | Comma | 154 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | Sparkity | 80 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Banjo lawrence | 58 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | CamLToe | 56 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Comma | +4.47 | 75 | 69 |
| #2 | Sparkity | +4.20 | 73 | 57 |
| #3 | Deathstrike | +0.77 | 62 | 26 |
| #4 | Banjo lawrence | +0.01 | 28 | 49 |
| #5 | Hans Olo | -0.56 | 47 | 64 |





