








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 65 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
903 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,838 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 978 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1134 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 721 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1005 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $252,640 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yakub | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | netkey | 64% | 14 |
| #3 | dv8 | 63% | 27 |
| #4 | 7o | 57% | 44 |
| #5 | mako | 54% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | M0B | 53% | 78 |
| #7 | ./ BurneyProMod | 52% | 63 |
| #8 | ꜱʟɪɴᴋ | 52% | 56 |
| #9 | ShaanJ | 46% | 13 |
| #10 | JeffLaFlavor | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ./ BurneyProMod | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | mako | 2 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | ꜱʟɪɴᴋ | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | 7o | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | dv8 | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M0B | 362 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #2 | ./ BurneyProMod | 171 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | ꜱʟɪɴᴋ | 139 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | 7o | 98 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | netkey | 41 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ꜱʟɪɴᴋ | +2.37 | 87 | 64 |
| #2 | dv8 | +1.91 | 75 | 57 |
| #3 | Yakub | +1.18 | 92 | 40 |
| #4 | ShaanJ | +0.86 | 72 | 73 |
| #5 | netkey | +0.67 | 85 | 63 |





