








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 86 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 141 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2289 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,870 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2742 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1681 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1887 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1560 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $370,224 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MakkerDeftnok | 56% | 39 |
| #2 | MhJ | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Holm | 55% | 106 |
| #4 | fredejohs | 55% | 11 |
| #5 | MorPheuZ^ | 54% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | fredejohs | 55% | 11 |
| #5 | MorPheuZ^ | 54% | 101 |
| #6 | captainHADDOCK | 53% | 83 |
| #7 | Dialla | 52% | 105 |
| #8 | Where's the confetti? | 50% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | captainHADDOCK | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | MorPheuZ^ | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | fredejohs | 1 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Where's the confetti? | 350 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #2 | captainHADDOCK | 286 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | MakkerDeftnok | 178 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #4 | Dialla | 119 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | MorPheuZ^ | 102 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alex | +2.39 | 76 | 79 |
| #2 | captainHADDOCK | +1.80 | 65 | 76 |
| #3 | fredejohs | +1.29 | 62 | 68 |
| #4 | MakkerDeftnok | +0.57 | 65 | 80 |
| #5 | MhJ | +0.34 | 84 | 57 |





