








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 590 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 242 matches | ||
| Faceit | 227 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 45 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3827 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,868 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3878 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4145 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4806 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5039 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,065,417 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 389 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Holm | 57% | 143 |
| #2 | MhJ | 57% | 35 |
| #3 | MorPheuZ^ | 56% | 110 |
| #4 | valle | 55% | 141 |
| #5 | captainHADDOCK | 54% | 238 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | MorPheuZ^ | 56% | 110 |
| #4 | valle | 55% | 141 |
| #5 | captainHADDOCK | 54% | 238 |
| #6 | alex | 52% | 105 |
| #7 | Where's the confetti? | 52% | 172 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | captainHADDOCK | 9 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | valle | 8 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | alex | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Where's the confetti? | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Holm | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | captainHADDOCK | 780 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #2 | Where's the confetti? | 514 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #3 | alex | 473 | 0.21 | 15 min |
| #4 | valle | 435 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #5 | MorPheuZ^ | 108 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alex | +1.79 | 75 | 80 |
| #2 | valle | +1.61 | 73 | 76 |
| #3 | captainHADDOCK | +1.34 | 68 | 78 |
| #4 | MhJ | +0.49 | 83 | 61 |
| #5 | Where's the confetti? | +0.08 | 68 | 68 |





