








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,150 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1687 | 41% |
| Smokes | 1127 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 626 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 710 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $120,969 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Roner | 50% | 14 |
| #12 | curlyfriis | 50% | 40 |
| #13 | wh7not | 44% | 18 |
| #14 | zitrez | 43% | 7 |
| #15 | Where's the confetti? | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MorPheuZ^ | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alex | 138 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | curlyfriis | 129 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | captainHADDOCK | 36 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Where's the confetti? | 28 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Roner | 25 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alex | +2.58 | 70 | 76 |
| #2 | wh7not | +1.79 | 82 | 60 |
| #3 | captainHADDOCK | +1.49 | 54 | 80 |
| #4 | Roner | +1.34 | 69 | 57 |
| #5 | Nemt eller bare glemt? | +1.18 | 63 | 47 |





